A Prologue to Summer

Noah started his summer vacation on Tuesday afternoon with a time-out. Sasha had a pool party to celebrate the last day of school, so Noah took the bus home with him. School was a half-day so the kids spent most of the afternoon swimming and playing in the yard. Parents and siblings were invited to come have a dip at 3:30, but the day was overcast and cool so I decided to skip that part. June and I showed up at 4:00 to collect Noah. No-one was in the pool when we arrived, but there were several kids chasing each other around the yard with water balloons and soakers. Noah came running around the corner and sprayed me.

“Noah, don’t!” I said, but he didn’t have time to stop himself. Well, that’s what I told myself at the time. Later I had to wonder. Because after explaining to him I didn’t want to get wet, I went to get his backpack and dry clothes from Sasha’s mom, returned to the yard and took a water balloon to the shoulder.

“That’s it, Noah! You’re having a time-out when we get home,” I told him and I marched him out of Sasha’s yard.

This wasn’t exactly how I wanted to start his summer break. I feel so ambivalent about summer since becoming the mother of a school-age child. On the one hand, for most of my life up until the point when Noah stopped attending day care at the age of four, summer was my favorite season. When I was kid and later an academic, it meant school was out. Summer meant free time or a peaceful period to research and prepare my classes for the coming semester. Vacations happen in the summer. More specifically our week at the beach, which for me is like Christmas, my birthday and every other holiday of the year all rolled up into one, happens in the summer. But now summer, at least most of the summer, means less free time, more responsibility, more demands on me. But every year I harbor the hope that this year it will be different. I will have a better attitude. I will help Noah use his downtime in a constructive, creative and enriching way. Noah will not whine, “Mommy, what should I do?” the instant his computer and television time for the day is over. He and June will not fight constantly or need me to do different things at the same time all day long.

So… That might happen, I suppose. It’s kind of early to say. We’re only on day three right now. Here’s how we did on day one:

Because I know how to show an eight-year-old boy a good time, the first thing we did on his first full day off was to go to the post office. I’d been meaning to squeeze in a trip the previous morning on the way to Circle Time at the library, but I had other errands and it occurred to me that whenever we go to the post office, June asks if we can stop at the nearby playground but we’re almost always in a rush to go somewhere else so we rarely do. So I mentally blocked off most of the morning for post office and playground. It’s been rainy, though, so I took the precaution of telling June we’d go to the playground if it wasn’t raining. As we were leaving I went outside to check the weather and found it was drizzling. I mentioned this to June, as I started to help her into her raincoat and she ran out onto the porch yelling, “It’s not raining!” Then she burst into tears. Clearly, she really wanted to go to the playground. I told her we still might be able to go.

After the post office, we ducked into Everyday Gourmet. I got a latte and the kids got chocolate milk and juice and split a cranberry scone nearly the length of June’s head. Thus fortified, we ventured back into the rain. It was just misting, really, so we headed down the hill to the playground. I’d brought a towel to dry off the equipment and I thought we’d play briefly and then head home. Well, somehow we ended up staying almost an hour– until it started to rain in earnest. By then the towel was sodden, from having performed double duty on some of the slides and the motorcycle seats and the butterfly-on-a-spring. Even so, the seat of Noah’s sweatpants were soaked and June’s pants were all over mud. The kids had so much fun and played so well together, though, I couldn’t bring myself to make them leave. June loved riding in the motorcycle sidecar and urged Noah to make it rock faster and faster. Then he showed her the path through the underbrush where he has always liked to explore and hide and it was as if he’d shown her a secret treasure, which in a way, I suppose he did. I sat on a bench and watched them roll rocks down the hill, remembering nursing a tiny June on that very bench three summers ago and wondering where the time went.

When I finally said it was time to go, they were ready. We got home in time to watch Big Comfy Couch (which is not one of my favorite kids’ shows) and Between the Lions (which is). After lunch I was more than ready to nap with June. She and I were both sick and I hadn’t been sleeping well for several days because of it. I read a little to Noah (we started the first book in the Series of Unfortunate Events that day—I read part and he reads part) and then I went to lie down. He decided to play with a ball outside, which normally I’d be happy about—it’s an outdoor activity and he was getting some exercise dribbling and kicking it around. The only problem was he was doing it right outside our bedroom window. Soon June was awake. I left her and told Noah to move to the front yard and came back to help her go back to sleep, but it was too late. No more nap for June and no nap for me. I almost cried. But I pulled myself together instead. I quizzed Noah on his sevens times tables and made peanut butter and jelly cookies (June helped mix). I watched more television with the kids and worked a little. I made corn chowder for dinner. Noah was out of computer and television time by the time I was cooking so I suggested he help me make dinner. Much to my surprise he agreed. He assembled the ingredients on the counter and then read me the instructions. Along the way, I explained why I was doing what I was doing, why I don’t peel the potatoes, why I use more garlic and less onion than the recipe calls for, etc. It was fun to cook with him, even though he didn’t want to get very hands on. While I was cooking I noticed June lying on the kitchen floor, her eyes almost closed. The interrupted nap and her cold had taken their toll. I scooped her up and laid her down on my bed. I read her a story and told her to rest while I went back to cooking. Sure enough, when I peeked in on her a few minutes later she was asleep. The first day of Noah’s summer break had wiped her out.

The next two days were similar, with some variations. Yesterday June and I were both feeling a lot better. In the morning we took a long puddle-stomping walk for our morning outing. June got a more comprehensive nap and Noah completed the first page in his summer math workbook and helped me make zucchini tostadas. (This time in addition to reading the recipe to me, he grated cheese.) In the evening, he helped Beth weed the sunflowers.

This morning June’s summer playgroup met for the first time. All the returning Leaves except one attended. (Since the lantern launch, we found out that the Dragonfly and probably one more of her classmates won’t be returning.) We also got to meet one of the new Leaves. June didn’t actually play with any of her school chums but she seemed happy to see them and play near them. The Caterpillar’s moms brought his newly adopted one-month old brother and everyone clustered around the tiny, sleeping child. Noah splashed in the creek and tried to build a dam with the Praying Mantis’s older brother and some other big kids who gravitated toward the water. In the afternoon, Noah and I worked on the eights times table and for dinner we went to Roscoe’s, Takoma Park’s new eatery. I was delighted to discover it’s not illegal to make good pizza in the suburbs after all. In between all this, the kids fought– a lot– but they also played a lot of games of hide-and-seek and catch-the-bubble (he blow bubbles and she chases them). They are still working on how to spend the all day with each other.

Right now Noah is experimenting with the keyboard we ordered for him when he expressed an interest in learning to play the piano. (We agreed to pay for half and he’s paying for the rest with birthday money from my dad and savings.) It arrived today. I hope it will give him hours of fun and learning this summer.

I still can’t believe second grade is over, and not for lack of ceremony at school. During the second to last week of school I attended not one, but two end-of-the-year programs for him, one in Spanish and one in English. Noah danced, sang and recited a poem. When it came time to read the postcard he’d written from his imaginary trip to Egypt (the end product of a social studies research project) he announced, “I chose this one because it’s the only one I finished and didn’t lose.” He reported this fact in a characteristically cheerful tone. Some things about him will never change, I suppose, but his teachers were both fond of him and pleased with academic performance this year. His standardized test results came back and he did exceptionally well. We also got his math placement for next year. He will be the accelerated math class, doing fourth and fifth grade math. Since he did third and fourth grade math this year, this was no surprise.

In the midst of Noah’s end of school activities, we had to ferry him to the doctor a few times. At his month-late eight-year pediatrician visit I asked to have his iron levels checked because he was looking pale to me and he was low on iron once as an infant. The iron test came back fine, but they did some routine tests on his blood and his white blood cell count was low, about a third what it should have been. It took two doctor’s visits to get another sample of blood because his veins can be hard to find, but finally a repeat test came back normal. Apparently the white blood cell tests can be a bit fluky. I trust the second test more than the first, one, though, because he didn’t seem like a kid with a compromised immune system. We were all sick a lot this past winter, except for Noah. In fact, June was sick the day we went in for the first test, but not Noah. And the vaccination he got the day of the first test didn’t faze his system either. The boy has an iron constitution. And good luck, too. While he was waiting for the bus on the last day of school, he found a four-leaf clover after just a few minutes of searching. (My sister and I spent hours looking for those when we were kids and I don’t think we ever found one.)

Three and a half days of Noah’s summer vacation have already slipped away. Will he teach himself how to play the piano, memorize his times tables, read all thirteen Series of Unfortunate Events books, break his record for how many times he can dribble a rubber ball? Quite possibly. Will he go a whole day or even a few hours without bickering with his sister? Well, that might be hoping for too much. But he’s home and he’s healthy and that seems like plenty right now.

Two! Four! Six! Eight!

On Friday morning I flipped the calendar page to May. “Hey, it’s my birthday cake!” Noah said, looking at the picture. For Christmas Noah and Beth made me a calendar out of family photos using iPhoto. The picture for May is of Noah’s birthday cake from his fifth birthday. He was really into the Magic School Bus (http://www.scholastic.com/magicschoolbus/) books and videos back then and he was on the verge of starting kindergarten so it had a school bus on it. It was also the first year Noah expressed an opinion about the design of his cake, ushering Beth into the job of custom cake decorator. For Noah’s sixth birthday, she made a cloud cake (he was at the height of his meteorology phase then). On his seventh birthday it was a Club Penguin cake.

This year Noah put the theme of his birthday party up to a vote. He gave his guests two options: the human body or pirates. So in advance of invitations, I sent a save-the-date and please-vote-on-the-party-theme email to the parents of Noah’s guests. Pirates won by a large margin, though Noah had been hoping for human body. (He said he would vote only to break the tie if there was one.) I myself had a pirate chest birthday cake when I was ten so I suggested that to Noah. I was thinking it would be pretty easy—a rectangular cake with chocolate frosting and licorice bands across it and maybe a sprinkling of chocolate coins in gold foil. He was having none of it. He wanted his cake to look like a diamond, not only diamond-shaped, but also sparkly. Beth was a bit intimidated by the idea so she was glad when he changed his mind and settled on cupcakes with gold-colored frosting. They were to evoke gold coins. At one point he wanted her to carve faces into the frosting (he’d settled on some obscure nineteenth-century President—I can’t remember which one) but that idea fell by the wayside, much to Beth’s relief.

Like Noah, I’d been hoping for a human body victory. Who knows what kind of cake ideas he would have had for that one, but I’m not the birthday cake baker. I was thinking more of party activities. When Noah was in nursery school half his class was obsessed with pirates and it was all-pirates-all-the-time on the playground that year. I was often troubled by the violent nature of the play. I brainstormed with Noah about non-violent pirate games they could play at his party. (Is that an oxymoron? I think maybe it is.) He seemed most interested in a treasure hunt anyway so I was relieved about that.

Friday Beth stayed home from work to prepare for the party. She went out and bought black goody bags and a silver pen Noah could use to write his guests’ names on them. She got cardboard pirate hats and hooks for the guests to wear and pirate plates and napkins and a couple of skull-and-crossbones garlands for the fence and pirate chest-shaped containers of bubble soap with little pirate bubble wands. She even found a pirate-chest piñata. To fill the piñata she bought chocolate coins and gold Mardi-Gras beads. She also brought home blue cotton candy ice cream from Cold Stone (http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/), which Noah requested. The color was meant to suggest the ocean, Noah said.

After Noah got home from school, they baked the cupcakes. They were coconut, one of Noah’s favorite flavors. I don’t know if he had a tropical angle in mind or not. Beth was a little afraid his guests wouldn’t like them since a lot of kids don’t like coconut, but she went ahead and made them.

Meanwhile, I worked on an article for Sara, poured buckets of water onto the porch floor and swabbed the yellow-green film of pollen off of it, watched June and took her shopping at Now and Then so she could select a gift for Noah. She picked out a blue plastic fish, a small foam globe, and a candy necklace. “I would like one, too,” she said politely, so I bought two.

Friday night I let Noah open one present, a number eight t-shirt like June’s beloved number three shirt, in case he wanted to wear it at his party the next day. I also reminded him he does have a t-shirt with a dog dressed as a pirate on it that would also be appropriate for the occasion. In the end he decided on one of his Hawaiian shirts instead. He often wears these to spring and summer parties. (In fact when he was five he impressed my mom by telling her he liked Hawaiian shirts because they were “festive.”)

Saturday morning and early afternoon Beth and I cleaned house. I washed the dirt of the picnic table and chairs and Beth frosted the cupcakes and sprayed yellow coloring mist on them. (June was particularly interested in this part of the operation.) Beth hung the garlands and the piñata. Rain was forecast and it was overcast, but so far it had not rained. We crossed our fingers that it would hold off until five, the party’s ending time.

Noah stayed in pajamas for much of the day but when it was time to get dressed he decided the weather was too cool for his Hawaiian shirt. Much deliberation about which of his long-sleeved shirts was most pirate-like ensued. I suggested that his largest button-down shirt might create a rakish billowy effect. He paired it with jeans ripped out at one knee.

Sasha arrived at 2:55. Beth gave Noah and Sasha hats and hooks to play with. The hats kept falling off and were soon abandoned, but the hooks were a big hit. Within minutes of Sasha’s arrival, the two boys were dueling on the lawn. I considered my no-violent-play-at-the-pirate-party policy and almost immediately abandoned it as impossible to enforce. Even though it was intended as a duel, the way they had their hooks linked together made it look more like a dance. Or maybe that was just what I told myself.

The rest of the pirate lads and the one pirate lass arrived soon after Sasha did. Do any of you who are parents get Cookie magazine? It has this kids’ party feature with all menus and activities and everything planned out in fifteen-minute increments and all extremely organized. Have a look: (http://www.cookiemag.com/food/birthday_party. Our parties have never been remotely like these. After we took Noah’s guests on the D.C. Duck last year I thought that was it, our simple backyard parties were over, at least for Noah, but that’s exactly what Noah wanted this year: to invite five friends over (we told him he could have up to eight but he only wanted his close friends), to have a treasure hunt and a piñata and cupcakes and ice cream in the yard. Even with the complicated clues Noah wrote for the treasure hunt, the planned activities wouldn’t take even close to two hours so we let the pirates spend the first fifty minutes of the party tearing around the yard, leaping off the porch walls and staging intrigue. They divided into two teams of three and much to my relief, espionage turned out to be a bigger draw than battle. The pirates chased each other around the yard; they hid and spied on each other. Players occasionally switched teams and their new teammates had to decide if the new pirate was actually a double agent. I should have predicted this turn of events. Most of these kids are involved in a running spy game at recess. (Whenever I call it a game, Noah gets exasperated with me. “It’s not a game, Mommy” he will insist. “We’re really spies.”) We did put a stop to some swordplay with sticks. (You’re not really a parent until you’ve warned children about putting an eye out, right?) But overall, all Beth and I needed to do was watch and reassure June, who was a bit overwhelmed by the screaming horde of pirates tearing through her yard.

The piñata required a little more supervision. I asked Noah to let June have a turn and he agreed she could go first. Then he got the idea of going youngest to oldest and all the kids chimed in with their birthdays so they could figure out the order. They thought it was funny that the youngest of Noah’s friends was the second tallest and the oldest was the shortest. It took quite a few rounds to demolish the piñata, even though Sean and Maura both play baseball and have good swings. A container of bubble soap broke inside it and got the chocolate coins soapy. If you unwrapped the foil carefully it was possible to extract the candy soap-free, but not everyone was careful and some soap was consumed along with the chocolate. While Elias talked Beth into letting him taking home the smashed piñata for his collection of broken piñatas, the rest of the pirates sat on the porch and ate the booty until we called them to the treasure hunt. Noah had written a set of clues in the forms of riddles whose answers were colors. Colors corresponded to different areas in the house and yard, all given nautical names. The kitchen was the galley, the bathroom was the head, his room was the crew’s quarters, etc. As the group solved the riddles co-operatively they’d head off to room in question to find the next clue. The last clue led them to the study, where the gold coin/cupcakes were hidden.

Beth needn’t have worried about the cupcakes. Only one child didn’t care for coconut and the blue ice cream was a hit, too. Conversation around the picnic table centered on the how toxic the bubble soap might be and whether or not the pirates who ate the chocolate coins from the piñata might have been poisoned. Then Elias told a story, true, he insisted, about a butcher who killed homeless people and then sold them as meat. After he finished, there was a long considering silence and Maura said she didn’t think it was true. People would notice the disappearances, she said. People don’t care about the homeless, someone said. No, she said, she cared and if she did, others must, too. I knew I liked Maura. Noah followed up with a story from one of his ghost story books, about a set of old-fashioned cabin motor courts that had burned to the ground but re-appeared when travelers in need arrived.

As they finished eating, the pirates drifted away from the table until only Noah and June were still eating. (Peter was polite enough to stay until the end of Noah’s story.) The pirate spy game resumed pretty seamlessly. Soon all the big kids were tearing around the yard again. When their parents came, they hid. Elias’s mom seemed less than thrilled that he was bringing home a new piñata. Sasha’s dad wanted to know if they had raided any oil rigs. At last only Maura was left. Noah invited her to swing on the sky chair until her folks arrived.

When the guests had left we went out for Thai, a birthday eve tradition since the last meal I ate before giving birth to Noah was at a Thai restaurant. Then Noah came home and opened his gifts from his friends, many of them pirate-themed (a book about shipwrecks, a pirate Lego set, etc.). One of his friends got him a remote-control flying toy (imagine a helicopter without the part you ride in) which he enjoyed flying around the house and another friend got him Battleship (http://www.amazon.com/Hasbro-4730-Battleship/dp/B00000DMBB). He and Beth played a game before bed, which I made them set aside to finish the next day because it was getting late. Beth was almost as reluctant to quit as Noah was. Then while I got Noah ready for bed Beth set up another present, the home planetarium that projects the constellations onto his ceiling, and he went to bed, but not to sleep for a long while. It had been an exciting day.

Noah’s actual birthday was Sunday. When he came into our room at 7:15, he announced, “I’m eight. I’m four plus four. I’m two times four.” I waited to see if he would say he was two the third power, but he didn’t. I guess they haven’t gotten up to exponents in his accelerated math class. (Although at the rate they are going it should be any day now. They’re already doing long division.) Later he decided he wouldn’t really be eight until 6:05 p.m. since that’s when he was born.

We had a much more relaxed day, waiting for 6:05 p.m.. We had leftover cupcakes for breakfast. He opened gifts from us and from family, read, played and did homework. We let him choose dinner and he decided to go out for Indian at Udupi Palace (http://www.udupipalace.com/). He doesn’t actually like most Indian food but he loves mango lassis and paratha so we let him have bread, rice and a beverage for dinner. (It’s not as bad as it sounds. The bread is whole-wheat and the drink has fruit and yogurt in it.) We didn’t actually notice when 6:05 came. It might have been while we were waiting for our food and Noah and Beth were making up a story about a knight and a frost dragon–it breathes ice instead of fire– making their way through a maze toward a cache of golden pearls. It might have been while we were eating or it might have when we were asking the waiter for a match to light Noah’s number eight candle. He had wanted to save it for his real birthday and since there was no cake at this meal he wanted to put it on the bread. The waiter surprised us with a complimentary dish of Indian sweets. The mango burfee was the best, Noah and I agreed. It’s like a bright yellow, fruity fudge. Beth opined that all three desserts were “okay but not chocolate.”

This morning Beth, June and I delivered Swedish fish to Noah’s classroom this for his class party, so now another birthday is behind us. Our boy is eight. It seems like yesterday he was two years old, playing in his new sandbox, or four and flashing me that angelic smile of his, or six and starting to navigate the shifting alliances of elementary school friendships. But I don’t mourn the passage of time or wish it would stand still. I appreciate so many things about my vibrant, creative son as he is now and I’m eager to see what kind of ten year old he will be.

A Is For Alphabet

On Wednesday morning I was toweling June off after a bath and she noticed my shirt in the bathroom mirror. “You have letters on your shirt,” she observed.

The shirt said, “Feel the Power: VOTE.” I got it back in the early 90s when I worked for Project Vote (http://projectvote.org/?gclid=COWA_PW90JkCFR4hnAodPEgwvQ). “VOTE” is the largest word on it.

“Do you see a V?” I asked June. She pointed to the V. “How about an E?” She pointed to the E. We went through all the letters in “VOTE” and she got them all right. In the past several weeks June has become intensely interested in letters. She doesn’t know all of them yet (maybe 75%), but she’s learning more all the time and she can recognize her own name. She is always asking us what letters begin various words and what sounds they make. The wooden alphabet puzzle she inherited from Noah has become a favorite toy. She’s taking the first wobbly steps of literacy and it’s exciting to watch.

So I read a lot of alphabet books to her these days. Luckily we have quite a few, though ABC: A Family Alphabet Book (http://www.proudparenting.com/node/309) is a favorite. Reading these books over and over (and reaching the twenty-six month anniversary of this blog) has inspired me to make an alphabet of our lives over the past twenty-six months. Most of the pictures have appeared in the blog already, but a few are new. A lot has changed since I started writing here, both for our family and for our country. June has turned one, two and three. She’s learned to walk and talk and started school. Noah has turned six and seven and he seems bound and determined to turn eight next month, despite my protests that he can’t possibly be that old. He overcame a difficult kindergarten year, learned to read and stopped believing in Santa Claus. He’s now thriving in second grade. Since I started writing a woman came tantalizingly close to winning the Democratic nomination for President and an African-American won the Presidency (and the world economy imploded, but let’s not dwell on that).

Here are some snapshots of our lives during these times:

A is for Alphabet

Here’s June playing with her alphabet puzzle on Saturday morning.

B is for Baby

She and I were at a coffee house and she was cruising around and around a low table, eating bits of Fig Newton I handed her every time she passed by. She paused every now and then to remove the sugar packets from their container and scatter them across the table and floor and then she replaced them. As she reached the corner of the table closest to me, she let go and stood, swiveled on her feet to face me and smiled, as if she was going to do something dramatic. I waited, holding my breath, thinking this was the moment. Then she chickened out, dropped to her knees and crawled to me. I don’t know when she will walk any more than when Noah will start having an easier time in school. It could be months from now or right around the corner. (April 25, 2007).

June took her first steps about a week later. Noah’s school troubles cleared up when he started first grade with more sympathetic teachers.

C is for Cherry Blossoms

We went to see the cherry blossoms on Friday and it was…challenging. June had been very cranky for almost a week. She’d been sick the weekend before and at first we thought that was the reason but by Friday she’d been better for several days so I’m not sure what was up with her. Anyway, she wailed in the car, she whimpered in the stroller and when she was walking she kept tugging on my arm, wanting me to go in another direction. At one point she darted under a chain and headed straight for the Tidal Basin before Beth dashed off to capture her. Anyway, the blossoms were gorgeous and afterwards we went out for really excellent pizza in the city that made me wish we still lived there. June threw fits in the restaurant, too.

D is for Duck

Once we were back on land, the guide let Noah pass out the souvenir quackers (duck-bill shaped noisemakers) and instructed everyone to quack “Happy Birthday” to him. It wasn’t quite recognizable as “Happy Birthday” but it was impressively noisy. (May 4, 2008)


E is for Election

The transition from Obama-land to McCain-land was not subtle. Either that or I missed it while I dozed briefly as June napped in her car seat and Noah watched downloaded episodes of his favorite shows on Beth’s phone. Before I closed my eyes there were Obama-Biden signs everywhere. When I opened them it was nothing but McCain-Palin as far as the eye could see, including those annoying ones that say “Country First.”

When I commented on the shift, Noah looked out the window long enough to spot one. “That’s the first McCain sign I’ve seen in my whole life,” he noted.(November 5, 2008)

F is for Friends

Jim is one of a handful of people in my life who bridge past and present. We lived down the hall from each other our first year of college and we were roommates the next year. We were living in a student-run co-operative dorm where co-ed rooms were possible with a little administrative subterfuge. The summer after sophomore year, when I fell in love with Beth, Jim and I were living together again and he was the one who urged me to kiss her while I was agonizing over the decision. Even if we had no more history than that together, I’d be forever in his debt. (February 26, 2009)

G is for Gabriel

Gabriel is usually known as the Caterpillar on this blog. He’s a sweet, affectionate, well-loved boy, who will be three in July. His moms are hoping to adopt a younger sibling for him. They are looking for an African-American or biracial baby. Here is their webiste: www.emmyandbethadopt.com. Please visit if you think you can help.

H is for Hug

As we were getting ready to leave the house to go vote later that morning, I found Noah and June in a spontaneous embrace. “Hug!” June announced.

“Take a picture, Mommy!” Noah suggested.

I went for the camera, thinking it likely June would have wriggled out of his arms before I got back. But when I returned, they were still at it.(February 14, 2008)

I is for Ice Cream

It wasn’t a perfect day, but fairy tales aren’t perfect either. They just have happy endings. Here’s ours: And then the queen and the prince and the princess had ice cream. The End. (July 18, 2008)

 

J is for Jump

At 5:30, I could hear Noah singing out in the yard as I poured orange jack-o-lantern lollipops into a bowl….I brought the bowl outside and set it down on the round table on the porch. Noah and June were playing in a pile of leaves under the dogwood while Beth watched. (October 31, 2007)

 

K is for King

This was the first headshot of Noah that appeared on the blog. It was taken in December 2006 at the Children’s Museum in Wheeling, West Virginia.

L is for Liberty

We caught the last ferry of the day, the 3:40, and sat on the top level, for the view and so I wouldn’t get seasick. After a scenic (and very windy) ride we arrived at the statue. She’s impressively large in person and really quite beautiful. We admired her and walked around the island. We paid a quarter for Noah to look through the telescope at the harbor, and then we got back in line for the 4:45 ferry. On the way back we opted for the heated lower level. We shared a warm soft pretzel, and Noah got a pair of Statue of Liberty sunglasses, much coveted by a little boy sitting near us. (December 27. 2007)

M is for Moms

Clearly he was paying attention at Kids’ Camp because he knew exactly what to put on such a sign. He instructed me to write, “I Heart My Moms!” and to fill in the heart with rainbow stripes. As a finishing touch, he decided the point of the exclamation point should be heart-shaped. (June 9, 2007)

N is for Nest
It turns out four adults to two children is about the right ratio for me to spend an almost perfect day at the beach. Noah and I arrived around nine, and had built just enough sand castles and played just long enough in the water to be looking at each other and wondering “what next?” when my mom arrived and he had a fresh playmate. He found a hole someone else had dug and spent a lot of time jumping into it. Later it was a nest and Mom was a bird laying eggs they made out of balls of wet sand. (August 25, 2007)

O is for Ocean

He’d been quite taken with the idea that he was “the only one in the whole world” who knew both my “versary” gift to her and hers to me. He kept the secrets faithfully, only letting slip that he thought Beth’s gift to me was better. “But they’re both good,” he added diplomatically. This piqued my curiosity since Beth had hinted she would make up for her absence on the actual day of our anniversary through the gift. Inside a store bought card with a picture of a falling star on it was a card she and Noah made on the computer. It had a photo of the house where I lived during the summer of 1987 on the front and the Rehoboth boardwalk on the inside. “We’re leaving Friday afternoon for Rehoboth Beach,” it said. (July 22, 2007)

P is for Princess
June wore a dress with a black velvet top and a puffy, gold satin skirt that a friend of Ya Ya’s bought for her. Ya Ya said she looked just like a doll. Beth’s brother Johnny and I both said, independently of each other, that she looked like the Infanta Margarita in this painting (http://www.artchive.com/meninas.htm). In either case, doll or princess, it was a new look for her. (November 23, 2007)

Q is for Queer

We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant that night to celebrate twenty years with spinach enchiladas and virgin mango daiquiris. (July 22, 2007)

R is for Redhead
The snow was dry and powdery, useless for snowballs or snowmen, and just barely serviceable for sledding. He went down the hill a few more times, then bored of it. We took turns dragging June around the yard. She was tranquil, but not as enamored with it as the last time. (February 7, 2007)

This is from my very first blog entry. June’s hair turned blonde the following summer.

S is for Santa

Noah seemed happy and satisfied with his visit to Santa. But as soon as we left the little house, he asked if it was possible that the person he’d seen was just someone in costume pretending to be Santa. We allowed that this might be the case. Beth pointed out that Santa couldn’t be everywhere at once so maybe he needed some helpers to visit with children and find out what they wanted. Probably, they would send an email to Santa with the requests. “But he just asked my name. Why didn’t he ask my address?” Noah was suddenly alarmed at the possibility that his information would be incompletely conveyed to Santa. (December 10, 2007)

T is for Train
Just around the time I reached the tricky part of the operation, spooning the batter onto the griddle and making sure none of the pancakes burned while I was distracted by something else, they both wanted my attention at once.

Noah had tired of his magazine and said, “What should I do?”

June wanted to know if I could “play train tracks?”

“Maybe Noah can play train tracks with you,” I suggested. I only gave this idea about a 25% chance of succeeding, but you have to try. Much to my surprise, Noah took June’s hand and they walked into the living room. He repaired a track I had built earlier in the day and they took turns running the trains over it, looking startlingly like two full-fledged kids playing together.(March 23, 2008)

U is for Underpants

This was the headshot of Noah when he was in first grade. If you remember the photo and thought he was wearing a bandana on his head, those are underpants. Beth took it on their mother-son camping trip in September 2007.

V is for Valentine
Noah dug around in his bag and pulled out a card. “Here,” he said, handing me the funniest valentine I’ve ever received. There’s a snowman lying on its side on the front with the words “Love you to death!” written in crayon. Inside it says, “OOPS! I guess I loved you to much!” Like mother, like son is all I have to say about that. Also this– it was the perfect Friday the 13th valentine. (February 13, 2009)

W is for Wizard

The last day of spirit week was “Put on Your Thinking Cap” day so after some careful consideration, he put on his wizard hat. (March 9, 2007)

X is for Xylophone

You were expecting something else? I took this picture on Thursday.

Y is for Yard

After Noah ate breakfast, brushed his teeth and got dressed, it was time to bounce. Along with the hopping ball, we bought Noah his own personal bouncy castle for vestibular stimulation, deep pressure on his joints, oh, and fun, too. He loves it. We’ll see if it helps organize and focus him the way the occupational therapist says it will, but in the meantime he’s using it several times a day. When possible, we try for a bouncing session before Beth takes him to camp. (July 10, 2007)

Z is for Zeitgeist

Next we moved inside to carve our jack o’ lanterns, or in Beth’s and my case, our Barack o’ lanterns (http://yeswecarve.com). (October 26, 2008)

I can’t claim this blog consistently captures the national zeitgeist, but if you have or once had elementary-school or preschool-age kids, or if you live in Takoma Park or its environs, or if you’re gay, lesbian or bisexual, I hope you sometimes find a little of yourself reflected in it. Thanks for reading.

What’s Past is Prologue

What’s past is prologue.
The Tempest, William Shakespeare

The past is never dead. It’s not even past.
Requiem for a Nun, William Faulkner

The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.
The Go-Between, L. P. Hartley

So, which quote is right? Is the past something that sets the stage for the feature attraction—that is, the present? Or is it a haunting force you can never escape, more powerful that the present can ever be? Or is it almost completely inaccessible to us since we are not now who we were then?

I’ve been thinking about this since I started using Facebook in earnest last week. I created the account last fall because I wanted to see the comments to something Beth posted on her Facebook account (Noah’s Presidential stump speech, I think) and I needed an account to do that. I had no intention of actually using it for its intended purpose–social networking– but then the friend requests starting trickling in and I was kind of intrigued and within the space of a week I found myself with a rudimentary page and almost thirty friends. (I know this is a pittance in the world of Facebook, but it was still surprising to me.)

Except that a lot of them are friends in only the loosest sense. They’re friendly acquaintances or friends of friends, or siblings of friends. (A couple of them are people from high school whom I don’t, strictly speaking, remember, but who sent me friend requests.) I think I had the idea that if I started poking around I might rediscover a long-lost friend, someone who touched my life in a profound way. This isn’t meant to discount any of the connections I now have the chance to renew. I’m grateful for the opportunity and it’s interesting, mesmerizing even, to find out who’s living where, the work they do, who’s married or single, who has children, etc. It can cause a little cognitive dissonance, though, to know someone’s weekend plans when you really don’t know much else that has happened in her life since ninth grade. You have the feeling you are corresponding with an entirely different person than the one you knew because of the gap of decades between you. Was Hartley right? Did we know each other in another country?

My Facebook interactions with people I actually know in my current life (mostly Purple School parents) seem more natural and less fraught, because they are just extensions of things we might share in the school parking lot at pickup time or during a playdate.

It’s not exactly true that the people I’ve found from my high school and college years on Facebook have all been minor players in my life. When you log on to Facebook, it gives you three suggestions of “People You May Know,” using your school attendance information and the friend lists of your official Facebook friends. The very first time I logged on one of the three faces it showed me was possibly the one person from my past whom I least want to contact. It left me so shaken I didn’t go back to Facebook for several weeks, even though I think the chance that this person would send me a friend request is extremely slim. For a little while it seemed like Faulkner was right.

Meanwhile, in the real world, I have been trying to combat my tendency to sink into isolation with a concerted campaign to socialize more often. June had her very first playdate (at the Dragonfly’s house) several weeks ago and since then we’ve had three of her classmates over to our house with one more scheduled tomorrow morning. Last Friday I was even bold enough to host a double playdate. Both Noah and June had a friend over at the same time. Our house has been filled with preschoolers and second-graders and the mothers of the little ones. It’s been fun.

Then last Saturday we went to dinner at the house of our friends Jim and Kevin. Jim is one of a handful of people in my life who bridge past and present. We lived down the hall from each other our first year of college and we were roommates the next year. We were living in a student-run co-operative dorm (http://osca.csr.oberlin.edu/about/coops/keep) where co-ed rooms were possible with a little administrative subterfuge. The summer after sophomore year, when I fell in love with Beth, Jim and I were living together again and he was the one who urged me to kiss her while I was agonizing over the decision. Even if we had no more history than that together, I’d be forever in his debt.

Jim and Kevin are avid gardeners so the visit began with a tour of their garden. Beth and Noah played hide-and-seek in the yard while Jim showed us around. Mostly, he was showing us what will be coming up where in warmer weather, but he had started some plants under plastic bottles stuck into the ground like tiny greenhouses. They also have a little greenhouse consisting of a plastic cover that zips over shelves. There are plans in the offing to build a real greenhouse onto the back of the house and grow a lemon tree there. I told him about our considerably more modest gardening plans and when I mentioned how much June loved the cucumbers we grew last summer he offered me some cucumber seeds he won at a garden club raffle. (We forgot to get them from him before we left, but he was nice enough to drop them off, along with some broccoli seeds, Sunday morning while he and Kevin were en route to the Takoma Park farmers’ market.)

Inside the house are Kevin’s orchids. There are a few picked for display in the dining room and in an alcove near the staircase, but there are others all over the house. Noah loved the lighting system they’ve rigged up in the basement where they keep the plants that are not yet in bloom. Two lights run back and forth on tracks along the ceiling, ensuring that all the orchids receive an equal amount of light. “Your own suns!” Noah exclaimed.

Later on, Jim showed us the upstairs orchids and Noah found a computer with two keyboards hooked up to it at once. Jim attached a third one, to show him it could be done, I suppose, and Noah was in awe. (He talked about it a lot on the way home.) As I watched them standing next to each other I was struck by their physical resemblance. They both have curly light brown hair, and they were standing in a similar position, looking at the computer. They were even both wearing blue button-down shirts, though Jim had a sweater on over his. It’s not so surprising Noah looks a bit like Jim because Jim and I have similar hair. It looked more alike when we were in college and we both wore it shoulder-length. (Jim and I were once asked if we were brother and sister or lovers. Neither, we answered cheerfully.) Anyway, he wears his hair short now, shorter than Noah’s but close enough. Jim’s green eyes are also a little like Noah’s hazel ones. And then there’s the math genius thing. In college Jim took the most advanced math classes with the other handful of students capable of that level of work and he used to do his homework problems on the board while the rest of the class was copying theirs out of their notebooks onto the board. If I may be permitted a small and relevant brag, recently Señora C sent home a testing report that indicated Noah has “complete understanding” of the fourth-grade math he’s working on at school.

In case you’re wondering if I’m going reveal now that Jim is Noah’s biological father, he’s not. We used an unknown donor and I know enough about the donor to know it wasn’t Jim. (I also don’t think Jim has ever donated sperm, but I’ve never asked.)

Jim and I have a lot of history together. There was the time I went to the grocery store and bought his cat the kind of food she liked (calling it a Christmas present) because Jim was too stubborn to buy cat food when the cat already had perfectly good food and the cat was too stubborn to eat what was in her bowl. (He thanked me for engineering him out of this face off with the cat later.) And there was the tragedy of the sweet potato pies we baked for our eighty-person dining co-op that took so long to bake no-one besides us was around to eat them when they came out of the oven. We listened with sympathy to each other’s romantic woes and when he spent a semester in London we wrote each other every week. (Remember when people wrote letters? On paper?) When Beth and I moved to Iowa for two years for grad school, he was the only person who came to visit me. There was a stretch of years when we lost touch with each other, but we re-connected when Noah was about a year old. I think we have a future, too. It’s different, of course, now that we’re adults with partners and busy lives and now that we live a half hour apart instead of down the hall. I only see him once or twice a year. But it’s always fun and I think it’s good for Noah to interact with a man who shares his interest in computers and math. When he gets older and he’s doing math over Beth’s and my heads, it could be even better.

So I have to go with Shakespeare. What’s past is prologue. It’s what has happened already and what influences what comes next but it doesn’t have to overwhelm us with its power over us and it’s not always what’s irreparably lost that matters most. Sometimes the past serves you pesto pizza made with basil from last year’s garden and sometimes the past shows you little seedlings in plastic-jug homes that will be strong, healthy plants come summer.

Two Mornings, or Something Worthwhile

“I’m ready to go,” June announced for about the twentieth time yesterday morning. It was her first day back at school after an almost three-week-long break and she was raring to go. I glanced at my watch. It was 8:30, still a bit on the early side. Then inspiration struck.

“Do you want to walk?” I asked her.

“Yes!” she said in satisfied tone.

It was a bright, sunny morning after two days of miserable weather– steady rain and temperatures in the mid to high thirties. Now the air was cold, but dry. Everything looked clean and shiny. The sun sparkled on the wrinkly skins of ice that covered the puddles.

I hadn’t let June walk to school in a long while. I’d gotten tired of her pulling her hand out of mine and running away from me. But this morning June walked along with me, slipping her mittened hand into mine when we crossed the street or walked along the stretches of road that have no sidewalks.

We arrived at the school at 8:55. A few children had reverted to the teary goodbyes we saw so frequently in September, but not June. (I would have been surprised if she had, since she never cried in September either.) I helped her hang up her coat and backpack and washed her hands. Then I took her into the playroom where a group of children was building a castle out of blocks. I kissed the top of her head, said goodbye and left.

I walked home at a brisk pace, planning my much-anticipated time alone. I had just under two hours to myself. I spent about half of it reading and printing health newsletter articles for Sara and the rest reading other people’s blogs and watching the dvd with the comic-book style animated short film that came bundled with the Stephen King short story collection Beth got me for Christmas (http://www.simonsays.com/specials/stephen-king-nishere/?wsref=3&num=605&v_ref=). Then it was time to go back to school.

When June was dismissed from the front porch, she ran to me with a huge grin. I swept her up into my arms and asked her “How was your day?”

“Good,” she said. “I played with blocks.”

“It looks like you played in the sand pit, too,” I said. The long underwear bottoms she was wearing under her rainbow-striped jumper were soaked and encrusted with sand from the knees down. I surmised she’d been kneeling in damp sand for much of her playground time. There was evidence of painting on the toe of her sneaker, too. (I’d find quite a bit more when we got home and I took off her coat.) Blocks, paint, sand: all ingredients of a good morning. It must have been a tiring one, too. She fell asleep in the stroller on the way home.

This morning June wanted to walk to school again. We couldn’t, though, because I was going to Noah’s school to tutor. I wouldn’t be going back home while she was at school and we’d need the stroller for the walk home. (June’s usually pretty worn out by the 11:30 pickup.) On my way out of the parking lot, I talked to the Caterpillar’s mom. We’ve been trying to find a weekend evening when the Caterpillar and his moms can come over for a pizza dinner. It looks like we might not have mutual free time until February.

I am making one of my sporadic efforts to be more social. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but it’s a new year and a good time to stretch myself.

Tutoring has been difficult to get off the ground as well. I went to Noah’s school three times this past fall to tutor parents with limited English. Two out of three times no one showed up. I’d decided ahead of time this would be the last time if I didn’t get any takers today. I could look for tutoring opportunities elsewhere or volunteer in Noah’s classroom. I knew he’d like having me there, but I was more interested in actually teaching than in assisting his teacher with photocopying and other clerical tasks. The frustrating thing was that on the one day people did come, back in November, all three of them seemed enthusiastic and motivated and I felt like we’d even established a tentative rapport.

After that meeting one of them asked if I was an evangelist because I was wearing a skirt and had no jewelry on. I said no and the others conferred among themselves in Spanish, obviously trying to figure out the strange gringa. They decided I was “una persona sencilla. A ella no le gusta las vanidades.” (“…a simple person. She doesn’t like vanities.”) When I told my sister this story, she laughed and said their assessment of me was “remarkably accurate.”

I hurried down the path by the creek to Noah’s school. The meeting was scheduled for 9:15. In my backpack I had a bilingual children’s book I wanted to use in my lesson, a list of English vocabulary words from the book and a schedule of future sessions so I wouldn’t have to keep calling everyone on the phone. (My phone Spanish is painfully bad.) I also had a book (The Reader) for myself in case no one came. Once at the school I checked the cheery conference room with the big skylight where my group was supposed to meet. It was empty. I waited a bit, then dropped by the volunteer coordinator’s office and asked her to direct anyone looking for me to conference room. She let me know that one of the three women who had come before had a job interview and couldn’t come today.

The volunteer coordinator dropped by after fifteen minutes to check on me. I’d emailed her earlier in the week to say I wouldn’t be coming any more if no one came today. She urged me not to give up and offered to help publicize the group if I’d keep coming. I agreed somewhat reluctantly. I wasn’t sure there was a point.

I stayed in the conference room until 9:40, reading my book. Then I put on my coat, shouldered my pack full of teaching materials and left, feeling downhearted. On my way out of the school, much to my surprise, I ran into Sofía*, one of my students. She didn’t say why she was late, but she did have a message from the last woman, who was home with a sick child.

I thought briefly about the Caterpillar’s busy moms and how life gets in the way and sometimes you just have to keep trying to make something happen.

We headed back to the conference room. I’d asked everyone to bring an article from a newspaper or magazine to share. Sofía had a review of a Mary Cassat exhibit at the National Museum of Women in the Arts (http://www.nmwa.org/). She said she picked it because liked the accompanying pictures. It was short but advanced for her so we spent forty-five minutes going through it sentence by sentence. She read aloud and I helped her with pronunciation and gave her a summary of each paragraph after she finished it, partly in English, partly in Spanish. She was struggling but determined and clearly surprised that Cassat had received negative reviews during her lifetime. (The one about Cassat’s babies being ugly really seemed to get her goat.) I listened carefully to decide where she most needed help. The silent e trips her up almost every time, but after I’d explained it a few times she did manage to correct herself once.

When we’d finished reading the article we tried chatting in English for a while and finally we turned to the children’s book. Sofía seemed relieved to have something easier than the Cassat review to read. First we went over the vocabulary list and then I read the book to her. She stopped me a few times with questions. I asked her to bring a children’s book next time and encouraged her to read to her daughters at home in English and in Spanish. She said her English wasn’t good enough yet, but that she was improving. I gave her the tutoring schedule, every other Friday morning from now until the end of May.

As we left the room, Sofía tapped me on the shoulder and asked if we could meet once a week instead of every other week. I said I couldn’t. These sessions aren’t the kind of teaching I’m trained for and they leave me almost as worn out as June is when she gets home from school and I do need my alone time, but I was still happy she asked. It made the hour and fifteen minutes we’d spent together seem like something worthwhile.

*Not her real name.

Introducing the Hornworm

“She had a choice of cricket or squash bug,” Taylor’s mom was telling me, admitting she’d hoped her daughter would choose the cricket for her symbol at the Purple School. The 2s class is called the Bugs class and all the children are identified on their attendance cards, on their backpack tags, on their placemats and on their artwork by their bugs as well as by their names. It helps the pre-literate set identify their own (and others’) possessions.

“At least I know what a cricket is. I had to Google squash bug (http://www.vegedge.umn.edu/vegpest/cucs/squabug.htm),” she continued.

I laughed. When June chose the hornworm (http://yardener.com/YardenersPlantProblemSolver/DealingWithPestInsects/PestInsectsInTheVegetableGarden/Hornworms) over the dragonfly during her teacher’s home visit the day before I’d looked up the hornworm, too. And, I, too, had been rooting for the better-known dragonfly.

“Is it an agricultural pest?” I asked. It is, feeding on (you guessed it) squash. The hornworm is a pest, too. The southern hornworm eats tobacco crops; the northern hornworm destroys tomatoes.

Maybe that’s appropriate. Early this summer before we had any ripe tomatoes in the garden, June picked a green one and brought it to me. I scolded her, mildly, I thought, but she’s been talking about it ever since. “I picked a ‘mato and Mommy was pretty bad,” she says. She has even gone so far as to scold me for picking ripe tomatoes.

I said I hoped the hornworm’s predilection for tobacco was not prophetic. The mother of Preston, the Bumblebee, said maybe since the hornworm destroys tobacco crops that June would grow up to be an anti-smoking activist.

The Squash Bug’s mom said that her own mother had been afraid that cockroaches and dung beetles would be among the selections.

We were all sitting around the Bumblebee family’s dining room table eating crackers and apple slices on a rainy Friday morning in late August. The last meeting of June’s summer playgroup had been moved inside (and graciously hosted by the Bumblebee, his mom and older sister, the Red Fox of last year’s 4s class). Considering it was the first time the Bugs had played together with toys, I thought it went very well. The Bumblebee’s mom kept bringing out new things to keep the kids engaged and to minimize conflicts and while we did hear occasional cries of “Mine! Mine!” (though never from the boy to whom the toys actually belonged), the kids got along pretty well.

I decided to transition from snack to our exit, since it was past eleven and I wanted to get June home before she conked out on me.

“See you at school next week,” the other moms called out as we left. Even though I knew school started in six days, it still sounded startling.

The six days passed. Although June spent most of her teacher’s home visit hiding from her, she was quite chatty about it for a few days afterward. “My teacher says it’s a banana phone,” became a refrain around here. (Andrea said June’s yellow toy phone looked like a banana.) Sometimes June would ask me what her teacher was doing right now. She knows Noah has teachers and was quite pleased to have one of her own, though I don’t think she was clear on exactly what a teacher does, other than come visit you at home and comment on your toys.

I was also pretty sure she didn’t have much idea what goes on at school, so two nights before her first day, I consulted the schedule Andrea gave us and I briefed her. June listened carefully as I told her she would play in a room full of toys and then the teacher would read a story and then everyone would have a snack and then they would play with play dough and paint. June’s eyes lit up at the mention of paint. Finally, I said, they would play on the playground. June wiggled with happiness. “Can I play on the playground now?” she asked. Patience is not her strong suit.

Yesterday, the day before school started, I ran through the schedule with her again a few times, hoping it would sink in and when events occurred in the order I laid out for her, she would feel a sense of predictability. Each time I did it, she was excited about a different activity. Once when I mentioned the teacher reading a story, she said, “To me?” in a delighted tone.

“To everyone,” I said.

That morning we ran into the mom of one of Noah’s nursery school classmates and his little brother, the Squirrel of this year’s 4s class, at the Co-op. The mom asked how I thought June would do on her first day. I said I wasn’t sure. She can be shy when she first meets people and she’s with me almost all the time so that initial separation could be rough. On the other hand, she does fine on the rare occasion we leave her with a sitter and she’s been to the babysitting room at the Y a few times and she liked it there by the second or third time. I wasn’t too worried. When Noah was her age he’d been in daycare for a year so a few hours a week apart didn’t seem as anxiety provoking to me as it seems to some of the parents of first children I’ve talked to at playgroup. Still, I was hoping she wouldn’t cry when I left. Parents are allowed to stay as long as they want on the first day and I thought snack might be the ideal time to go, since she likes to eat and she’d be content with a plate of food in front of her. However, that meant staying forty-five minutes. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to stay that long.

When I mentioned to her that after we arrived I would stay for a while then leave and come back to get her later, she said “Okay,” sounding completely unconcerned. I wondered if it would be that easy.

Finally the big day came. When June wandered into the bathroom around 6:45, looking sleepy and tousle-headed, Beth lifted her up and asked if she was excited about going to school today. June’s not a big talker when she first wakes up so she didn’t reply, but she did give Beth a big smile.

After breakfast I gave June a quick bath, taking care to get all the plum pulp out of her hair, and got her dressed. Noah admired her dress and we took some pictures in the front yard. Beth and Noah went to the bus stop and June and I sat on the front porch stairs and I read her Curious George Learns the Alphabet until it was almost time to go. Then we popped back inside so I could change her into a disposable diaper. She hadn’t removed her backpack, which she’d put on for the photo shoot and didn’t want to take it off for the diaper change. Then she didn’t want to get into the stroller. I promised her she could walk the last block and wear the backpack then. She was agreeable.

She was quiet on the walk to school, but when I told her it was time to get out of the stroller and walk, she was straining to get out before I could undo the buckles. We arrived at 8:55, just when the doors of the school were supposed to open, but almost everyone was there and the kids seemed pretty settled into playing with Duplos and the dollhouse and other toys. I helped June wash her hands and then Andrea showed her how to slide her attendance card into the chart. June gravitated to the bin of plastic sea animals and we played with them until she asked me to read her a book. I found a bookshelf full of books about the ocean (their first themed unit I guessed). I read her several of them.

I decided to go to the bathroom as a trial separation and then leave afterward if June didn’t seem too upset instead of waiting for snack time. There were only six kids attending school today. (The other six have the school to themselves tomorrow.) Of those six, three had co-oping moms, so there were only three kids who needed to separate from their parents today. I’d watched the Squash Bug’s mom leave without incident. The other departure I missed. Maybe it happened while I was in the bathroom. When I came back, June seemed fine so I told her I was going home and that I’d be back later to pick her up. June didn’t cry but she threw her arms around me wordlessly. Andrea came over, handed her the hot pink stuffed pig she’d brought from home and asked if she’d like to see the goodbye chair. This is a chair by the window where the children can stand and watch their parents walk down the sidewalk. June said, “Yeah,” and Andrea took her over there. As I waved from outside, June looked mildly concerned, but she wasn’t crying.

I walked home, arriving at 9:35, and I went to the backyard. I read a short story while lying under the silver maple. I watered and weeded in the garden. I went inside and read the online health newsletters I clip for Sara. I wrote a little and in no time it seemed, it was 11:15, and time to head back to the school.

As we waited in the parking lot for the kids to emerge from the playground, a couple moms talked about how they cried when they left their children. I didn’t cry. I didn’t even think about how I wasn’t crying. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Later Beth assured me it’s just that we know she’s ready and she’s going to have a great time at school so it’s a happy occasion for all of us.

Andrea led the children to the front porch stairs. I expected more of them to bolt when they saw their waiting parents, but they (mostly) sat as directed and listened to Andrea read a poem about a bug. June watched me but stayed on the stairs. The poem had hand motions and some of the kids, June not among them, did the motions with Andrea. Then she dismissed them one by one. When Andrea called her name, June went to me. I swung her up into my arms and she gave me a very tight hug and then she laid her head on my shoulder. I asked her if she had a good time. “Yeah,” she said and then she asked for a pacifier.

Andrea said June was quiet for a little while after I left but that “it didn’t last.” She said June was chatty and seemed to be enjoying herself. One of the co-oping moms mentioned June especially enjoyed running up and down the hill in the playground. I know that hill well. June loved playing there when Noah had after school drama at the Purple School last winter.

On the way home, June told me about her day. The teacher read The Deep Blue Sea, one of the same books I’d read to her before I left. She ate grapes and “cracker animals” for snack. She played with yellow play dough and painted with green paint. I was surprised there was no evidence of this paint on her dress. She said she was hungry and thirsty. At home she devoured a plate of buttered noodles and another plum, even though usually lunch is her least favorite meal. After lunch, I took her to the bedroom and read her a story. And by 12:30, the hornworm was fast asleep.

Late in the afternoon, as I cooked dinner, she asked, “Can I go to the Purple School now?”

Are You Ready?: A Countdown to School

It’s all over—the trips to Wheeling and Rehoboth, art camp, drama camp and science camp, afternoons spent in the wading pool and evenings spent listening to the whir of the ice cream maker and anticipating the cold, sweet treats soon to emerge from it. Well, we’ll probably keep playing in the pool and making ice cream for a while longer. We can expect at least another month of hot weather, but Noah’s summer vacation is over. He walked through the gate as a second-grader for the first time this morning.

Here’s how he spent his last week of the lazy, crazy days of summer.

Tuesday, Seven Days:

“Go to bed and get up on ‘school time.’ Your body may have adjusted to later nights and sleeping in. Start now to get to sleep a little earlier each night, and get up a little earlier each morning, so that your first week won’t be so difficult.”

Betty Debham, “Are You Ready? Get Organized For School.” The Mini Page, The Washington Post, August 10, 2008.

Noah barreled into our room at 6:40 calling for Beth to play with him. Beth was wearing earplugs and either didn’t hear him or wasn’t able to rouse herself. She lay still. Noah kept yelling. I slapped her gently across the legs in hopes of getting her moving so Noah would leave the room before he woke June. No luck. June started to cry.

“Why is she crying?” Noah asked, genuinely puzzled.

“Finish up summer reading projects.”

I read three chapters of Dragon Slayers’ Academy #7 (The Wheel of Misfortune) to Noah. We were planning to visit the library in the afternoon to get Noah’s library reading log stamped and to pick up his last set of prizes. The log was supposed to be stamped at pre-determined intervals. We’d gone late for the second one (Beth somehow talked them into stamping it anyway) but we’d been there so recently that Noah was short a book for the third stamp. He was picky about what books went on the log. I don’t fully understand why he wanted to include some books he reads and not others, but I assume there was some complicated reasoning behind it.

I told him if he wanted his prizes today he’d need to include a book he’d read recently and not put on the log. How about the poetry book, the book of trickster tales, or maybe something he’d read to June, like The Lorax? I braced for his protests, working out counterarguments before he’d made any arguments. “Let’s put down The Lorax,” he said cheerfully. Noah is nothing if not full of surprises.

“Get ready for homework.”

As I was getting ready to take June to the bedroom for our nap, Noah asked me to make a list of things he could do during the nap. We brainstormed a bit and I suggested playing with his snap circuits kit, hopping on his hopping ball, and reading The Guinness Book of World Records. Noah said, “How about handwriting practice?” This was something we’d discussed recently. Noah’s first-grade English teacher asked us to work with him on his handwriting this summer and we hadn’t it done yet. Noah wanted to type and print out the alphabet so he could copy it. I said I thought writing it three times through would be enough for today. We went to the computer and after some deliberation he chose a font. Then he asked a lot of questions about how much space to leave between the letters, what to do if he ran out of room, etc.

After June’s nap I checked the sheet. Other than the typed line of letters it was blank.

“What goes in your backpack?”

As we left for the library, Noah noticed several bottle caps and some assorted rocks, all covered with yellow chalk dust, on the porch. “What are these?” he said.

“I think they were in your backpack. Beth emptied it out so she could wash it.” But why did he have bottle caps in his backpack, I wondered. Is it possible it hadn’t been cleaned out since he was in nursery school? That year his best friend collected bottle caps and for a while Noah did, too, in order to give them to Ethan.

“Oh, I remember,” Noah said. “They were from a game I was playing with Sasha.” I had a hazy recollection of the two of them playing at being geologists collecting jewels. It was sometime after they were farmers. It was in the past year anyway, I thought with some relief.

“Get plenty of exercise. Many kids in the United States don’t get enough exercise. Are you one of them? Here are some quick ideas to get you moving so you will be in shape for school.”

It’s a forty-minute walk to the Long Branch Library (http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/Apps/Libraries/branchinfo/lb.asp) from our house. As we approached it, I was hot and tired. “This is my least favorite part of the walk,” I said. Most of the walk is quite pleasant; we go along a shady path that runs by the creek. The last stretch, though, is steep uphill on a crumbly asphalt path. It can be a struggle to get the stroller up it.

Noah grinned at me and dashed up the hill. I was only halfway up when he reached the crest, wiped his brow and said. “That was hard.” He sat down on the grass to wait for me as I slowly pushed the stroller up the rest of the hill.

When we left the library with his new rubber ball, a gift certificate for a free book from Barnes and Noble and a Curious George book we’d checked out, he ran all the way down the hill. “That was fun!” he yelled from the bottom.

“Your mom or dad may be getting your clothes ready for school. You can help. Try on last year’s tops and bottoms and make a pile of the ones that no longer fit.”

I was sorting the too-small socks I’d culled from Noah’s sock drawer the day before into piles based on size so I could put them away with his old clothes in the basement. At least two-thirds of the socks in his drawer were too small and the smallest pair (other than some of June’s that ended up in there by mistake) was marked 3-4 years. Unlike the backpack, his sock drawer really hadn’t been cleaned out since nursery school. He helped out by trying on pair after pair of socks. It was a hot day and he was sweaty so we powdered his feet to help him slip them in and out of the socks.

We never do a big back-to-school clothes shopping for Noah. We just buy clothes piecemeal during the year as he seems to need things, but over the course of the past few weeks, I’ve cleaned out his sock, underwear and pajama drawers. It feels like a small step away from chaos and toward organization.

“De-stress yourself. Sometimes the start of school can be a stressful time for kids…Ask yourself what is making you feel nervous or worried…Ask your mom, dad, a teacher or another adult you trust to help you.”

I could hear Noah crying in his room as I nursed June. I got away as soon as I could and came into his room.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Noah sobbed.

“Nothing hurts?” I said.

“No.”

“So it’s in your mind and not your body?” I said coming closer to the bed. “Do you want me to cuddle with you a while?”

He said yes and I slid into his bed next to him. He said he didn’t know what was wrong, he just felt upset. “I’m not usually like this. I’m usually pretty content when I’m falling asleep,” he said.

“Are you worried about school starting?” I asked. He said he didn’t know. Noah’s mentioned a few times recently that last year some second-graders told him that all the second-grade teachers were mean. This has been bothering him.

I actually remember noticing in high school and college that a disproportionate number of my friends said they had mean second-grade teachers. Always second grade, not first or third or fifth. Later I read that seven-year-olds are developmentally likely to feel unjustly put upon so I started to think maybe second-grade teachers aren’t any meaner than other teachers, but just perceived that way by their moody charges. (I want to say for the record, though, that my second-grade teacher really was mean.) I did not share this theory with Noah. Instead I told him that it was okay. Sometimes we have feelings and we don’t understand why. I wondered if we should dig further. I decided against it. I’d mentioned school starting in a week and he hadn’t really bitten. Plus while I was thinking about all this he’d started chatting about Club Penguin and an upcoming event on the site and he seemed to have cheered up.

“Do you feel a little better?” I asked. He said, yes, that thinking about Club Penguin made him forget “the mystery of the upsetation.”

He’s a mystery sometimes, my boy, and the answers aren’t all found on back to school checklists.

Wednesday, Six Days:

Wednesday Noah was out of sync and out of sorts for much of the morning. He broke his bedrail. He crashed into things, hurting himself and June repeatedly. June poked him in the eye while they were roughhousing. He knocked her over on the sidewalk as we were waiting for a bus and bloodied her knee. He kept sneaking up on her and yelling, startling her over and over until she said, “I don’t like you, Noah!” and then he looked wounded. I told him what she meant was that she didn’t like his behavior, not that she didn’t like him. (I remembered how she’d spontaneously thrown her arms around his legs two days earlier and said, “I love my Noah!”)

He came into the bedroom around two o’clock while June and I were napping to inform me he felt sick and thought he might throw up. I didn’t think he would. He almost never does when he says he will. Ten minutes later he was watching television and even ate some pretzels.

As I walked him to Sasha’s house for a play date later in the afternoon, I asked him how his stomach felt. It was fine. Did he remember how he’d been upset the night before? Yes. Did he have any idea why he’d been upset? No, and he didn’t seem particularly interested in the question either. He was in a good mood and he wanted to tell me about the plot of the Curious George book we got at the library the day before (Curious George Goes to the Hospital). He’d been reading it during June’s nap. June was sitting in the stroller, holding said book in her lap and paging through it. It had pictures of doctors and nurses and hospital scenes so she was well pleased with it. I gave up quizzing Noah and listened to his version of the little monkey’s medical adventures after swallowing a puzzle piece. At least it was clear what was wrong with George.

Thursday, Five Days:

I had the kids dressed and ready for our morning outing, a walk to Starbucks, when Noah asked, “Can we go to the playground instead?”

I hesitated. I wanted a latte, but how could I say, “Forget running around and getting some exercise, it’s time for empty calories”?

June, already strapped into the stroller, looked up at me. “Where we going?” she asked.

“To the playground,” I said. Noah had only five days of vacation left and we’d been doing errands (grocery store, Co-op, two libraries) all week. It was time for some play.

I let June out of the stroller about fifty yards from the playground when Noah took off running. She cried, “I want to walk!” She didn’t walk, though, she ran, trailing her brother. Their tanned, scabbed, mosquito-bitten legs flew down the path.

June headed for the slides and the twisty ladder, but when she heard Noah splashing around in the creek, she wanted to join him. Of course, she wanted to wade straight into the deepest part of the creek. I was trying to convince her to stay at the water’s edge and throw rocks, when Noah announced, “I have to go to the bathroom.” The creek always does this to him. I glanced back at the playground. If we’re alone I let him stand between the boulders and pee against a rock, but we weren’t alone.

“Is it an emergency? Should we go home?” I asked him. I wondered if this outing was doomed. He said, no, he thought he could wait.

June contented herself with throwing rocks into the creek for a while, and then we waded in the shallows together. When she’d tired of that, she clambered up onto the shore and practiced climbing her favorite tree. Noah followed her and gave it a try himself. He looked big in the tiny tree.

On the way home, Noah said he wanted lunch at noon sharp because that’s when he eats at school. I asked if he knew if he was still on the same lunch shift and he said, yes, the kindergartners, first graders and second graders eat together. I said that made sense, to divide the school in half. Slowly it dawned on him. “So next year I will be in the older half of the school?” The idea seemed to please him.

At home, we watched Sesame Street and made a batch of oatmeal muffins. Noah had picked out the recipe to bake and send to YaYa as a get-well present. We reserved half the batch for ourselves and to celebrate fresh muffins from the oven, I made scrambled eggs and veggie bacon for lunch.

It was a good morning, but after lunch, Noah said his stomach hurt.

As he had the day before, he recovered quickly. Elias came over to play in the afternoon and when his mom came to pick him up and asked Noah if he was excited about school starting, he surprised me by saying yes.

The mail came late so it was almost bedtime when we received the postcard that gave us Noah’s teacher and room assignments for the coming school year. He has Señora C in the morning and Ms. G (his after school science teacher from last year) in the afternoon. “So you know her already,” Beth said, sounding relieved.

“Did you like her?” I asked. I knew he did.

“She was nice in science class,” Noah said carefully, as if unsure what the second grade classroom might bring out in her.

Beth started suggesting questions we could ask his teachers at the Open House on Monday: “Are you mean? Do you hate children? Do you eat children?”

Noah laughed, and then he said doubtfully, “Are you really going to ask those questions?”

Beth assured him she would not.

Friday, Four Days:

It was 4:45, the end of an unusual day. Beth had stayed home from work to supervise a FiOs installation. June skipped her playgroup because she’d been sick during the night, though she seemed perfectly healthy once she woke up in the morning. Sasha came over to play in the afternoon (we squeezed as many play dates as we could into the waning days of summer). He will be in Noah’s morning class, the first time they’ve been in a regular class together. (They met in an after school science class in kindergarten and have been to science camp together two summers in a row.) Beth foresees some headaches for Señora C keeping them from talking in class. Once he found out he’d be with Sasha in the morning and that he had Ms. G in the afternoon, Noah seemed more cheerful about school. We let Noah and Sasha play on the computer even though Noah was already a half hour over his limit for the day. I’d done the same thing the day before when Elias was over. It was the end of summer and I was getting lax.

June and I had just returned from the post office where we’d gone to mail YaYa’s muffins and some hand-me-down baby clothes for my cousin Holly’s new baby, Annabelle (http://thedawgrun.blogspot.com/). Beth and Noah were in the kitchen, having just finished making orangeade and vanilla ice cream. Noah was scraping out the inside of the ice cream maker with a spatula and licking it.

I asked him if he’d like to go to the SCORE! Learning Center (http://www.scorelearning.com/) that evening and pick up the prizes for that summer reading log. The representative buttonholed Noah in a bookstore back in June. I was reluctant to have him participate because he was already enrolled in his school and library summer reading clubs but she won him over with talk of prizes. When we went to hear the sales-pitch, we were pleasantly surprised to find it was more low-key than I expected, not a hard sell at all. Plus we got Noah’s reading level tested for free. We knew one of the prizes he could choose that night was a coupon for free pizza, so if we went now we could go out for pizza afterward. He’d have to give up his hour of television, though, because the center closed at six. He surprised me by saying yes.

It was a long drive to the center and a long drive from there to pizza, but by 6:15, we were seated at zPizza (http://www.zpizza.com/), and Noah was eating his free pineapple pizza. Beth asked him what was his favorite book he read this summer. He wasn’t sure. Dragon’s Egg, I suggested. He’d read that one twice, starting it over almost as soon as we finished it, even though he knew he couldn’t double-count it on the logs. No, he thought it was the Dragon Slayers’ Academy series, but he couldn’t settle on a single title. He started to reminisce about his favorite scenes. Free pizza is nice, but listening to him laugh anew about jokes we read weeks ago, I thought that on some level he knows that reading is its own reward.

Saturday, Three Days:

Beth took Noah for a back-to-school haircut and to REI to buy him a rain jacket. (He lost his at school last spring.) When they returned, Noah said he wanted to go to the swimming pool. It seemed like a good idea—we haven’t swum nearly enough this summer—but Beth called and it was closed for a meet until six.

I decided to make do at home and filled the wading pool with water. June and I got in and played in it. Noah was hanging around in the yard watching. He put his feet in the water and I told him to go inside and change into his suit if he was going to get wet. He said okay and disappeared into the house. After a while, June wanted to know why he hadn’t returned. I speculated he might have forgotten why he went inside or changed his mind. Either scenario seemed likely. We came inside, June dripping water onto the floor, and found him on the computer in the study. I asked if he was coming back outside.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” he said vaguely as if he were speculating about the actions of some other, rather unpredictable sort of person.

I heated up some frozen tamales and made a salad with carrots and cucumber from the garden. After dinner, we ate the ice cream Beth and Noah had made the day before topped with chocolate Magic Shell (http://www.smuckers.com/fg/ict/default.asp?groupid=4&catid=8) and watched the first half of Herbie, the Love Bug. We got up to the part where the villain gets Herbie drunk on Irish coffee. I’ve never tried Magic Shell, but it’s remarkably like a dipped cone, which I haven’t had in years. Noah ate his ice cream plain. He hadn’t been that impressed with our description of the movie either, but he liked it and said it was funnier than he expected.

Herbie, the Love Bug and Magic Shell. This is awesome,” Beth commented. I did feel a bit little like a kid on vacation myself.

Once he got in bed, though, Noah wasn’t feeling so carefree. Shortly after I put him to bed, Beth heard him moaning and went in to talk with him. He said he was “not feeling content” and that he guessed he was worried about school after all, especially about the teacher he doesn’t know. He was specifically worried about not being allowed to suck his thumb in class. I’d recently mentioned how he wasn’t allowed to in kindergarten (in the context of a discussion about how June won’t be allowed to have her pacifier at nursery school) and I guess I jogged an unpleasant memory.

In a way it seems strange Noah is so much more worried about second grade starting than he was before first grade, since he’s coming off a much better year than he was last year. It must be a developmental thing. He’s more able to look ahead and that makes him more likely to mull things over and fret. I told Beth that maybe once he’s actually in the situation it will be easier because he won’t have to imagine how it will be.

“But what if she is mean?” she said. I had no answer for that.

Sunday, Two Days:

Prior to grocery shopping, Beth was consulting with Noah about what he’d eat for lunch at school this week. He will pick a lunch for her to pack and stick with it for weeks at a time. This week, and possibly beyond, he’ll be eating rice cakes with orange marmalade, nectarines and bottled soy-fruit shakes for lunch.

When Beth, Noah and June returned from grocery shopping, Sasha called. Noah’s phone skills are still a work in progress so I put Sasha on speaker. He’s starting a band and wanted to know if Noah wanted to play drums. “It’s real, not pretend,” he stressed. Noah was unsure. Was anyone else already in the band? Yes, one other boy. What kind of music would they play? Rock and roll, Sasha answered. Could he play the accordion instead? Sasha seemed open to the suggestion. They went back and forth for a good five minutes before Noah said yes and after he got off the phone he was full of unanswered questions.

Would they make money off this band? Would they play in front of real audiences? Would it stay together until they were grown-ups? He takes everything so deadly seriously these days, that it’s no wonder he’s worked up about school. He went off to the porch with a little toy drum and practiced playing it.

Later that afternoon we went to an ice cream social for the Purple School. On the way, Noah informed us he might look seven, but he was really seven thousand. A wizard had put a spell on him, granting him immortality and sending him back to infancy to live his life over seven years ago.

We arrived at the playground. We ate ice cream cake. (June also sampled the goldfish crackers, pretzels and bananas. I don’t know why she’s so tiny; when she gets started she can really put her food away). We chatted with other parents. We signed up for our home visit from the 2s teacher, for our co-oping workshops and for our volunteer shift at the school’s booth at Takoma’s street festival in October. The kids ran around and played on the playground. June wanted to climb every ladder she saw and when she was on the swing or the seesaw or anything that moved, she wanted us to make it go “faster and faster.”

June doesn’t start school until a week and two days after Noah does so it’s not on my mind as much, but she’s on the cusp of a great adventure of her own. She’s more than ready. She loves to wear the bee backpack we bought her and she always says she’s going to school when she wears it. It might be hard for her to separate from us at first but I know she’ll do fine. She loves a challenge, especially when it takes her higher and higher and faster and faster.

Monday, One Day:

Noah was eating a bowl of oatmeal when I approached him with a to-do list for the day. He needed to practice his lower case alphabet five times, rate all the books he’d read this summer for his school reading log (one to five smiley faces), make a postcard with a picture and a description of one of the books, and make some corrections to his math packet.

“Who are you?” he said.

“I’m your mother.”

“I’m from the Middle Ages,” he said.

I explained he was in for an exciting day. After the Open House at his school, we were going to Barnes and Noble to pick up his free book. He’d ride in a car, a sort of cart that propelled itself without a horse pulling it. Then we’d go to a huge store filled with books, an almost unthinkable luxury for a medieval lad such as himself.

In between bathing June and starting two loads of laundry, I coaxed him into doing three of the alphabets and rating his books. I looked over the completed log. There were nineteen books on it. Twelve were about dragons. He’d given all dragon-related books five smiley faces. All non dragon-related books received two to four smiley faces.

I looked over his math packet while the kids were watching Sesame Street. There were a couple problems he skipped and some illegible answers, but only three computational errors in the whole packet. I flagged them and we went over them after he was finished watching television. June wanted to play in the wading pool. Noah didn’t want to join us, so I got him set up to work on the postcard. Up to now, he’d been co-operative and efficient about finishing up his projects, but this was hard. He didn’t know what book to pick, what character to write about, what to say, what to draw. It took him over an hour and a lot of prodding to write “Seetha is a dragon & and I love dragons. That is why I lik this book, Revenge of the Dragon Lady” and to draw a picture of Seetha, flying over a castle and breathing fire. I remembered why I sometimes hate supervising his homework.

At lunchtime, Noah said his stomach hurt and he didn’t want anything to eat.

Beth came home around two and we headed over to the Open House. We visited both his classrooms and chatted with parents. A lot of Noah’s kindergarten and first-grade classmates are in his classes. The immersion program is pretty small, so sooner or later you get to know almost everyone. We picked up information sheets from both teachers and volunteered to get permanent markers from Señora C’s wish list. Ms. G was giving out free books and Noah selected one of the few chapter books on the table. As we left, Noah said he felt less nervous and his stomach felt better, too. Come to think of it, he was hungry. I gave him some sliced nectarines I’d brought for him. I was surprised the Open House set his mind at ease since it was mobbed, especially in Señora C’s room, and we barely got to talk to the teachers. I guess it must have been seeing so many of his friends.

We headed out to Barnes and Noble to get Noah’s free book. We stopped by the café first because both kids were still hungry. He picked an Amelia Bedelia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amelia_Bedelia) book, and June wanted a book, too, so we got her Maisy Takes a Bath. And we ended up with a book about mice solving a mystery for Noah as well. I guess they count on things like this happening when they give out those reading log coupons.

Finally, we went to Gifford’s (http://www.giffords.com/) for some end-of-vacation ice cream. Noah slumped in his seat as he ate his coconut cone. He looked tired, but more relaxed than he had in a few days.

We returned home and the kids and I settled down to watch the rest of Herbie (“Hilarious!” according to Noah) while Beth did some last-minute school supply shopping and went to a nursery school fundraising committee meeting. (A word to the wise: never go the Staples the night before school starts.)

Today:

Noah turned the bathroom light on at six a.m., spilling light into our room. Beth got up right away to play with him, instead of waiting until 6:30 as she usually does. He said he’d been up since five. Noah’s an early riser so this isn’t as unusual as it sounds. I closed the door to our room so June could sleep some more but even through the closed door and over the whir of the fan I could hear his voice, excited and keyed up. By 7:25, he’d eaten, gotten dressed and was playing on the computer.

At his request, Beth walked him to school instead of putting him on the bus. He was goofing around in the front yard, posing in silly positions as I tried to snap a back-to-school photo.

I don’t think the teachers will be mean. I don’t think they will eat him. I hope not anyway. The only way to find out, though, is to dive right in. And I hope that seven thousand years of life experience comes in handy in the second grade.

A Fairy Tale Day

June was in the bath, chewing on a toy boat and growling. I’d just finished telling her a story about a sea monster that menaced boats and the dolphin that rescued the hapless passengers. I held the sparkly purple dolphin squirter toy in one hand. June played the part of the monster with gusto.

Before she even had the boat completely out of her mouth, she was asking me for a story “about a queen and a prince.” Stories about royalty are popular around here. June’s first-ever attempt to play story-game with Noah a couple weeks ago went like this: “Once upon a time, there was a king and a queen and a princess. They had soap. They had a bathtub. The princess took a bath.” An impressively cohesive start, I thought, but after Noah took his turn and it was June’s turn again she just repeated her opening word for word. It never went anywhere from there.

I thought for a minute. “Once upon a time,” I started, “there were two queens who lived together with a prince and a princess. One day the princess took a bath. Then she put on a pretty dress and went to her playgroup. It was one queen’s turn to host that day and she had to stay on the playground with her guests so the princess did not run into the woods. They swung on the swings, slid on the slides, climbed the twisty ladder, rode on the pony and the motorcycle, threw rocks in the creek and had a snack. Then they came home, had a nap and went to drama camp early see the prince’s performance. Then they ate ice cream. The End.”

This was my plan for the day. It was a busy day in a busy week. On Monday June and I picked up the pottery the children had painted for my mother’s birthday at Color Me Mine (http://www.colormemine.com/). Noah painted a cat and June painted a butterfly, or rather the underside of one wing. She refused to touch the other wing or the top of the ceramic insect. Tuesday we mailed the pottery and went to Circle Time at the library. Tuesday evening Beth and I left the kids with a sitter and went out for Burmese to celebrate our anniversary. (The food was great; the uninterrupted conversation even better.) Wednesday we tried out the Co-op’s new story time. Thursday we went to the playground and I inspected the familiar space, trying to imagine what I might need for the next day’s playgroup that I hadn’t considered. The answer was a tablecloth for the picnic table that was covered with bird droppings. Every afternoon we took the bus to Silver Spring to pick Noah up at drama camp. During June’s naps I wrote a short article about the nutritional benefits of organic milk and produce. I’ve been doing research and editing jobs for my sister’s freelance writing business for almost a year but this was the first writing project I’d tackled.

After June’s bath, I put white barrettes in her hair and dressed her in a blue and white striped dress over a white t-shirt, white socks and black Mary Janes. “A dress for my birthday!” June exclaimed. The dress was a birthday present from my mother, but I don’t think that’s what she meant. She’s been eager for another birthday ever since she turned two in late March and she claims it is her birthday whenever she sees balloons. She’s probably worn a dress a couple times since March but it’s not an everyday occurrence for her so that it was some kind of holiday was a reasonable conclusion.

As I pushed the stroller—laden with five pounds of organic mixed green and red grapes (all sliced neatly in half), cheddar bunnies, whole-wheat bunnies, bowls, plastic cutlery, napkins and the tablecloth—toward the playground, June commented, “It’s fun to play with our friends.” I thought it was kind of funny, given that the kids really don’t do anything that could be described as playing together yet, but I was glad to hear she enjoys these weekly Friday morning outings.

We arrived just before the official starting time of ten a.m. I scanned the playground for familiar faces. There were three teenage girls sitting on rocks down by the creek and a grandmother with two little girls, one about the right age, but I didn’t recognize her. After a cautious conversational opening, I concluded the girl was not part of our group. I chatted with the grandmother a little while longer. She was from Hawaii on a visit to her daughter and her family. She wanted to know if it was always so humid here in the summer. Not always, but often, I conceded.

I got the picnic table set up with snacks, shooed an interested June away from it and pushed her on the swings, but June wanted to roam. I compromised with her. We could walk to the footbridge and look down at the water, but we were not going into the woods. She seemed agreeable. As soon as we were on the bridge, she took off running, the heels of her shoes clattering on the wooden planks. She’d made it a few feet onto the narrow, muddy path that runs into the woods when I caught her and carried her, twisting and kicking and apparently surprised and outraged that we weren’t going into the woods.

I looked at my watch: 10:10. I decided to let June start eating in the interest of keep her on the playground. She settled in happily. I’d bought her favorite snacks. Once she’d eaten a few bites, she looked around and noticed something was missing. “Where people?” she asked. “Where our friends?” I told her they were coming.

I watched as a dad with a two-year-old girl and then a nanny with another one arrived. Neither was from June’s class, but one of the girls stared so intently at the food I invited her and her father to join us. Why not? It was 10:20 and we had a lot of food. I asked her name and it was June! Someone had told me there was another June about my June’s age who frequents this playground, but we’d never met.

The other June and her dad began to eat. “You’re so good. You cut the grapes in half,” he observed. I was glad someone noticed. It took an hour. I’m sometimes a bit lax about choking hazards with June, but I’m conscientious enough not to serve whole grapes to other people’s toddlers.

June and I threw rocks into the creek. I let her get her shoes and socks and the hem of her dress wet and muddy. She found a little tree with sturdy branches just a foot or so off the ground and fulfilled a long-standing goal of climbing a tree.

It was 10:40 now and I was wondering, was I at the wrong playground? Was it the wrong time? The wrong date? Where were our friends? I decided if no one showed up by 11:20 we’d leave the food on the table with a note, go home and watch Mr. Rogers. It was a hot, sticky day and I don’t like to keep June out much past eleven anyway, as she tends to fall asleep on the way home if I do.

At 10:45, Hayden and his parents arrived. Then at 11:05, Mia and her dad came. It ended up being a very nice play date. I do better socially in small groups anyway and I got to talk to Hayden’s mom and dad long enough so I felt I got to know them a little bit. June and Mia had a good time watching each other throw rocks in the creek. The other June and her dad continued to hang out with our group by the slides and at the picnic table. Between the four kids and five adults, we ate more than half the grapes. I mentioned it was a really hot day, right? That’s probably why more people didn’t come, everyone concluded. Either that or a lot of people were on vacation.

Around noon, June wrapped herself in the baby blanket I keep in the bottom of the stroller and wore it like a robe. She wandered around, perhaps imagining she was a princess. She declares herself a princess (or a king, or a queen) quite often while wrapped in her after-bath towel. Then, still wrapped in the blanket, she lay on the grass near the picnic table where I was packing up our things, and she said she was going to sleep. Hayden’s dad said it was a “positive sign” that she needed her nap. We said goodbye to everyone and set off. It’s only a ten-minute walk but June was fast asleep when we got home.

I woke her so she could have a proper nap, lying down in an air-conditioned room, instead of a short snooze in the stroller on the porch. In the hour that followed, I had plenty of time to regret this decision. She couldn’t get back to sleep, but she desperately needed to. She was cranky, then mad, then full of despair. Finally, she slept. What am I going to do about naps, I wondered, when she gets out of nursery school at 11:30 and then we have a fifteen-minute walk home? But that was a question for another day. While she slept I exercised for the first time this week, and worked. I woke her up at the last possible minute to go to Noah’s drama camp. Actually, it might have been a minute or two too late.

We got to the bus a few minutes late and I didn’t know whether or not we had missed our bus. So when another one that takes a less direct route to our destination arrived, we boarded it, just in case. It was the wrong decision. At the place where the two routes intersect, I saw the bus we should have been on whiz by. We didn’t miss it after all. It was just running late. Then our bus got stuck in traffic the other bus’s route avoids. We were only five minutes late to drama camp, but we missed most of a song that all the kids were singing together. Noah had only one other part in the forty-minute performance. It was interesting, though, an improv game. He did well and the skits with the other kids were fun to watch, too. Once Noah’s part was finished, he sat down in a row of kids and counselors right in front of the audience. June, who had been loudly insisting we “go see Noah” the whole time he was performing, bolted from me and clambered into his lap. He threw an arm around her and they watched the performance together.

It wasn’t a perfect day, but fairy tales aren’t perfect either. They just have happy endings. Here’s ours: And then the queen and the prince and the princess had ice cream. The End.

Rock Around the Clock

July is here. It’s full summer and the second half of 2008 is upon us. I feel we’re on the cusp of so many things. This month first my father and then my mother will turn sixty-five. (Happy Birthday, Dad! Happy Birthday, Mom!) In August, Noah will start second grade and in September, June will start nursery school. Her class has a weekly summer playgroup so she’s meeting the boys and girls who will be her first real friends, although their interaction now is mainly limited to staring at each other from across the snack table. In November, we’ll elect a new President. June already knows her candidate—“I wuv Bwack Obama Pwesent,” she says. (I can’t argue with her terminology either. It would be a wonderful present.)

There are other things I can’t predict with any accuracy but I hope will happen before the year turns. Sleeping through the night, anyone? June experimented with this maybe a half dozen times this spring, and then she gave it up. Toilet training, maybe? We got some serious pushback on this when we tried a few weeks ago so the Elmo and Zoe underpants and the Abby the fairy stickers got put away. We’ll try again when she seems ready. Meanwhile, I put her dolls on the potty every now and then. She watches with guarded interest.

Speaking of June, she’s more two all the time. We hear “No!” a lot and she’s starting to throw the occasional tantrum, though they’re still pretty mild. I don’t think she’s really peaked yet. What I mind more is the constant refrain of “Gimme that! It’s mine!” (Whatever it is almost never is hers. In fact, once she grabbed the drawstring on Noah’s shorts and shouted, “It’s my string!”) Along with this possessiveness has come an endless stream of bickering with Noah. Up to now they haven’t gotten along pretty peaceably, but I think he’s out of patience with her and he’s laughing at her assertions of ownership less often and arguing with them more often.

Noah doesn’t change as quickly as June does, but I am seeing glimpses of the boy and even the man he’ll be in years to come. He’s missing four teeth right now and one of the top front ones is coming in. I am half curious how the adult teeth will look in his mouth and half afraid he won’t look like my little boy any more. He’s busy with his summer math workbook and is enrolled (at his own insistence) in three different summer reading clubs. We had his reading level tested last week in conjunction with one of them and he’s reading at the fourth-grade level. He’s moved onto a new passion recently– dragons. We have four different books about dragons checked out of the library, a new dragon pillowcase Andrea made and three imaginary pet dragons living in the back yard. As active as his imagination is, it recently took a rather realistic turn. One of Noah’s favorite activities is “story-game.” We tell a story, each taking a turn adding to the narrative. The one we are telling this week walking to and from art camp is about Noah and Sasha, grown up and working together as marine biologists. Noah’s the head of the team studying dolphins; Sasha’s group studies whales. They’ve even published their findings in scientific journals. (Noah invented one called Leaping Creatures of the Sea. Okay, so it’s not completely realistic, but it’s a change from the usual stories about magic and mysteries.)

People often say of parenting that the days go slowly but the years go quickly. It’s true. The hours and days and weeks and months and years add up until that baby you had not long ago is telling you he wants to join the robotics club in high school– the high school Noah will attend has one– and you think maybe he really will. But we live our lives not in years but in the small spaces of minutes and hours.

Here’s how the first day of July went for us, hour by hour.

June was up twice during the night, but never on the hour, so at 1:00, 2:00. 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and 6:00 a.m., we slept.

7:00: June and I were snuggling and drowsing in bed. Beth was in Noah’s room reading his morning story to him.

8:00: Beth, June and I were eating breakfast. Noah was playing computer games.

9:00: I was hurrying to get everyone out the door. I needed to deliver Noah to art camp by 9:30 and to get June to the library by 10:00 for Circle Time.

10:00: We were approaching the library, with just a block or so to go. We’d taken a different route than usual because we’d dropped Noah off at camp and June was agitated the whole walk. “We have to go to the library! We have to sing songs with Ms. Karen!” she kept insisting, not heeding my assurances that we were in fact going to the library. When we reached Maple Ave, she seemed to recognize where we were, relaxed a little and said to me, “Don’t worry, Mommy. We’ll find Ms. Karen.”

11:00: We arrived back at home. I read the online newsletters I clip for Sara while June drew with chalk on the blackboard half of the easel. Occasionally, she would commission me to add something to her scribbles. Suns and rainbows are favorites of hers.

12:00: Mr. Rogers ended. We ate a lunch of noodle soup, crackers, cheese and fruit.

1:00: I rode the exercise bike while June napped.

2:00: I hear birdsong from the dining room. It was our clock, which plays a recording of a different bird for each hour. Two o’ clock is the Northern Mockingbird. I was sorry to hear it. I was lying in bed with June. She’d awoken prematurely from her nap and I’d put her back to sleep in our bed. I was holding her with one arm and holding Hearts in Atlantis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hearts_in_Atlantis) in my other hand. The story was engaging and June was warm and snug in the crook of my arm. I could smell the faint odor of sweat on her skin, and the cantaloupe she’d eaten at lunch on her breath. I didn’t want to wake her up and go get Noah at camp, but that’s what I did.

3:00: “This playdate will be better when we get home,” Noah declared.

I’d picked up Noah and Jill from art camp a half hour earlier and brought them to the playground on the way home. Their play got off to a slightly rocky start. As I walked back toward the playground with June in tow (having recently retrieved her from the nearby woods), I heard Jill say, “Stop it right now, Noah, or I’ll tell your mom.”

As I headed apprehensively to the play structure where they were both standing, a woman approached to tell me Noah was blocking a younger boy’s path and not letting him down the slides. When I told him to stop he did, but he ran down to the creek to throw rocks in the water, leaving Jill behind. She told me about a time when he pushed her on the playground at school and she’d told the playground monitor. I wondered uneasily how long Jill’s memory was. Was she recounting something that happened last year, during Noah’s streak of bad behavior or was this recent? I didn’t ask, though, since I had my hands full chasing June around. I made a mental note to ask Noah about it later.

Eventually I got Noah and Jill reunited at the swings, but he was grumpy.

“Do you want to go home now?” I asked, thinking he might be right. A change of venue could help.

“I do,” Jill piped up.

“Not yet,” Noah said.

We agreed on leaving in five minutes.

4:00: Noah and Jill were in his room laughing and making shadow puppets on the wall.

The play date did improve at home. They ate a snack, took turns playing his guitar, and played with the hotel Noah made for school, which now serves as a dollhouse. They dumped all the pieces of the world map puzzle on the floor and didn’t put any of them together because they got distracted by the microscope. A crucial piece of the microscope fell out and they decided to make shadow puppets. All of these transitions occurred smoothly and without rancor. They ended their playdate with a game of online Monopoly. When Jill’s babysitter came to take her to her piano lesson at 4:25, Jill didn’t want to leave.

5:00: Cyberchase ended and Arthur began. I’d finished my work for Sara, folded laundry and had even snuck in a little more reading while the kids watched the first half hour of Noah’s television. It was tempting to keep reading, but I decided to put my book away and cuddle with them on the couch for the second show instead.

6:00: “This is fun,” Noah said. He and I were in the garden sitting by the lettuce patch. I was picking lettuce for salad and he was weeding. I was running late with dinner since I’d read two chapters of Dragon’s Egg (http://home.earthlink.net/~slthomson/9780061288487.shtml) to him around the time I normally start cooking. I’d intended to just dash out a pick a little lettuce but Noah was showing so much interest in gardening that we lingered. The sun was warm and I could smell the moist earth. June ran around the yard in big loops while Noah and I worked companionably together.

7:00: We ate a later than usual dinner of linguine with veggie meatballs and salad.
There was an unexpected benefit to getting behind schedule. Because Beth got home around 6:20, before I’d even started cooking, she and the kids played in the backyard, taking turns shooting hoops (Beth lifting June up into the air during her turns) while I cooked. No one screamed or cried or whined during the entire time I was preparing dinner.

8:00: Beth and Noah were playing a hand of poker. She’s teaching him various card games and they play every night before bed. On bath nights he sits there with his hair slicked back wearing the sleeveless t-shirts he wears to bed, studying his cards and looking for all the world like a 1940s card shark. He just needs a cigar and a fedora.

9:00: The children were asleep. I was in the kitchen and caught a glimpse of the backyard as the twilight faded to full dark. The air was full of dancing fireflies. I stayed at the window and watched them for at least five minutes.

10:00: Beth and I were in bed, but not yet asleep. Our bedtime conversation (whispered so as not to wake June in her bed in the corner of the room) was over. I rolled over on my side and waited for sleep.

11:00: Everyone slept. Time crept on. The rest of the second half of 2008 awaited us.

Head for the Hills

School ended with a half-day on Thursday and Noah and Sasha ushered in their summer vacation with a five and a half hour playdate. It was a double-header, starting at our house immediately after school and moving in the late afternoon to Sasha’s where they swam in his family’s pool.

I was dubious about such a long playdate because Noah and Sasha’s friendship is an intense one. They have a lot in common; they have a lot of fun; they have a lot of arguments. But much to my surprise, they were extremely well behaved. I asked them to play outside during June’s nap so they pretended to be detectives solving a mystery in the yard, then they played snap circuits on the porch. Finally they moved inside and played Build-a-lot (http://www.arcadetown.com/buildalot/game.asp) on the computer. I didn’t hear a single argument. Noah confided to me later that they did argue, “but we did it quietly,” which was fine with me. An argument I don’t hear is one I don’t feel tempted to referee and one that might even help Noah learn to solve his own conflicts.

Friday we spent most of the morning running errands. Because of this, it was three in the afternoon before Noah used up all his television and computer time. Otherwise it surely would have been earlier. It was the first full day of summer vacation and he hasn’t learned to pace himself yet. “Is every day of summer going to be like this?” he whined.

“Like what?” I asked.

“No more tv. No more computer. Nothing to do.”

It was a good question. There will only be five weeks this summer when Noah’s not in day camp and we will be on vacation for two of them. Still, it could be a long three weeks if I don’t get more creative with activities for him and if he doesn’t get more independent about entertaining himself when I’m occupied with June or housework or the several hours of work a week I do for Sara. Still, nothing seems as charged as it did last year when we felt so bad about the rough spring he had that we were anxious for his summer to be perfect. He’s had a good year academically and a decent one socially. A few boring weeks at home won’t be the end of the world. A little boredom could even be a good thing if it spurs him to get out a rut and find new ways to have fun.

We spent all day Saturday and yesterday morning running errands, housecleaning and packing for our trip to Beth’s parents’ house. Beth’s folks haven’t seen the kids since Thanksgiving so a trip to Wheeling was our first priority once school was out. We drove half the distance Sunday afternoon, and then we stopped to camp at Rocky Gap State Park (http://www.dnr.state.md.us/publiclands/western/rockygap.html). After we settled into our cabin we headed down to Lake Habeeb for a swim. Noah practiced his swimming with Beth while June and I went back and forth between the water and the lakeside playground. June scrambled up a rope ladder until she was higher than my head and I had to hold my arms up to spot her. She swung in a new (to her) kind of bucket swing, the kind that’s open in the front, with a belt to secure her. “It’s broken,” she said at first, then grinned when she realized she would be only semi-enclosed. As she swung, she watched a boy climb up the outside of a tunnel slide with rapt attention; she was no doubt making plans for the future.

Back in the lake, she kept trying to wade too deep into the water until Beth and I settled down sitting in the water a few feet apart with water up to our chests and she amused herself walking back and forth between us.

A girl of eight or nine crawled over to us with just her head out of the water. June stared. The girl asked how old she was and said she was pretty. An older girl and a younger boy trailed her and joined us. The boy, who was about Noah’s age, demanded to know why June was so small if she was two. She didn’t look any bigger than his one-year-old brother. The girls tried to hush him with little success. I said she was small for her age.

After chatting for a while one of the girls asked Beth if she was Noah and June’s aunt. No, their mom, Beth replied. Who was I? Also their mom. The boy was shocked and skeptical. How could we be both be their mothers? Who would we marry? Each other. We’d had a wedding and now we had two kids. But why? Because we love each other. The boy said emphatically that women should not get married. We might kiss! Yuck! The girls starting telling him to be quiet, a bit more vigorously than before and then they started to splash him when he didn’t listen. He ignored them and went on in the same vein. Beth was magnificent, remaining calm and matter of fact throughout, eventually ceasing to offer explanations and just repeating, “Well, that’s your opinion.” I was silent.

Noah, who as far as I knew was listening to his first anti-gay tirade, was quiet for a long time. When the boy said it was impossible for two women to be a couple, he finally piped up, “But me and my sister Juney have two moms,” as if that settled everything. He didn’t sound upset, just a little baffled at the whole exchange. “It’s not the usual thing,” he added as a concession.

As we drove back to the camping cabin, Beth said, “Well, we gave that family something to talk about tonight.” I was struck by the irony that this conversation had occurred on Father’s Day and on the day of the gay pride festival in D.C., and on the eve of the first legal gay weddings in California (http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/state&id=6184802).

Beth and I spent the evening on separate but occasionally intersecting tracks. Beth was trying to coax a fire out the green firewood we’d bought at the camp office. I chased June through the woods, down into the ravine, along the camp road, into neighboring campsites. She was curious and excited and tireless and fast. Really, really fast. I was glad for the chance to catch my breath when she paused at the picnic table to eat. Beth had managed to warm baked bean and veggie hot dogs over the balky fire, but the noodles were a gummy mess because the water never boiled. June ate heartily—two hot dogs and a big pile of beans. Noah, who doesn’t care for hot dogs or beans, and for whom the noodles were intended, ate nothing. The camp store was closed, we’d lost the emergency food I carry in the diaper bag and there was nowhere nearby we could drive to get him a snack. It was late, too, 8:45 by the time we got the kids to bed.

Beth and I sat on top of the picnic table in the gathering dark. “We are never leaving Takoma Park,” she pronounced. Living there, where no one has ever told Noah he can’t have two moms, has helped create his nonchalant attitude toward his unconventional family, though his self-confident temperament no doubt helps, too. And it’s not only homosexuality Noah sees as normal. Several of his friends (Jill, Sadie, Maxine and Ruby to name a few) are mixed-race and he knows Latino kids with white parents and even two white boys with a white mom and a black mom. His idea of family is not restricted to heterosexual couples with kids all biologically related and of the same race. In fact, when I was pregnant with June, he asked me what race I thought she might be. I don’t think he was wondering if the donor was of a different race than me. I think he imagined race was randomly generated. He can be naïve about the world (he is remarkably innocent of sexism) but it’s a healthy naiveté, one that I hope will give him an expansive sense of possibility about his own life when he’s older.

Still, we decided we’d better talk to him about what the boy at the lake said, just in case he had any questions. This morning in the car as we drove to breakfast, I asked if the conversation had bothered him. “Why should it?” he asked. “It was just his opinion, not fact.” I probed a bit more, asking if anyone had said things like that to him before. “Never,” he answered. “No one ever said women shouldn’t marry, but sometimes they ask why I have two moms.”

“What do you say?” Beth asked.

“I say because my two moms married.”

“Well, I guess that’s the answer,” Beth said.

After breakfast, we drove the rest of the way to Beth’s folks’ house. It’s a haven, smaller than Takoma Park, but nurturing and full of love. I can’t and shouldn’t try to protect Noah from everything—from arguments with a good friend, from boredom, from the occasional glimpse of homophobia. In small doses, these are learning experiences he needs. But I was still glad, gladder than usual, to see him bolt out of the car, run to Andrea and John’s front door, and straight into Andrea’s arms, secure in the adoration of the grandmother who couldn’t love him more if he were a blood relative.